One step forward, two steps back

For the first time in a while, I made it to work on Saturday and did a 5 hour shift, so I thought that everything would be fine and I could keep going to work but today my anxiety is so bad I've been sobbing for half the day, half because of the crippling anxiety, and half because of the guilt I feel about not going to work... again. I feel as though the guilt is starting to eat me alive and I just can't keep living like this.
This is what I hate about our health system. I booked an appointment for the psychiatrist about 15 days ago and the earliest I could get an appointment is the 13th of January. What if I was suicidal? I would be dead by now because they couldn't fit me in for a whole MONTH. I am so desperate to see someone who can help me but they just don't have the space to fit me in and it's so frustrating.
I guess I'll just keep having my pity party wrapped in a blanket reading my books to try and escape the panic that I'm constantly feeling.

Hope you're all well,

April <3

One Step at a Time (An Update)

Today has honestly been one of the worst days in regards to my anxiety. The last time it was this bad was about 7 years ago. Today I was basically crying all day from crippling anxiety which left me a huge mess all day. And what sucks is that the nausea that comes with my anxiety just won't go away.
Despite my awful day, I also took a step in the right direction by going to a new doctor who knows more about mental illness who could refer me to a psychiatrist who will put me on the right meds as the ones I'm on now obviously aren't working. Hopefully I can get in to see him within the next couple of weeks and my life will be back on track. I just have to stay positive and know that, despite how I'm feeling right now, things will get better.

I hope you're all having a wonderful day,

APRIL <3

[PLAYLIST] Songs That Help My Anxiety

All of these songs are in a playlist on my iPod that I listen to when I'm feeling anxious or down and some of these have really helped me in the past to feel less anxious! Each link will take you to a youtube video of that particular song.

Alternative

1. Move Along - All American Rejects
2. Breathe - Anberlin
3. Inevitable - Anberlin
4. Alexithymia - Anberlin
5. The Unwinding Cable Car - Anberlin
6. Every Teardrop is a Waterfall - Coldplay
7. Death and All His Friends - Coldplay
8. Unbreakable - Evermore
9. Light Up Ahead - Further Seems Forever
10. The Resolution - Jack's Mannequin
11. Looking Up - Paramore
12. Hallelujah - Paramore
13. Last Hope - Paramore
14. Superheroes - The Script
15. Believe - Yellowcard
16. Kings and Queens - 30 Seconds to Mars
17. Closer to the Edge - 30 Seconds to Mars

Rock

1. Unbreakable - Fireflight
2. Times Like These - Foo Fighters
3. Dig - Incubus
4. New Divide - Linkin Park
5. Unwell - Matchbox Twenty
6. You're Not Alone - Saosin
7. Never Too Late - Three Days Grace
8. Dreams - Van Halen


Pop & R&B 
1. Wait Til You See My Smile - Alicia Keys
2. Soar - Christina Aguilera
3. Warrior - Demi Lovato
4. Skyscraper - Demi Lovato
5. SFM - Ginny Blackmore
6. Roots Before Branches - Glee Cast
7. Beautiful - Jessica Mauboy
8. I Believe - Jessica Mauboy
9. Keep Us Together - Jessie J
10. Face Up - Lights
11. Holy Ground - Taylor Swift

Acoustic/Singer Songwriter 

1. Who You Are (Jessie J Cover) - Anna Clendening
2. Shadowfeet - Brooke Fraser
3. Alive - Gabrielle Aplin
4. Let It Begin - Griffin Peterson
5. Resolution - Matt Corby
6. Steer - Missy Higgins
7. Better Life - Playjerise
8. Cross the Line - Playjerise
9. This Love - Taylor Swift


Disney/Musical Theatre
1. Journey to the Past - Anastasia
2. Fly - Hilary Duff
3. When You Believe - The Prince of Egypt
4. Little Wonders - Rob Thomas
5. Shake It Out - SMASH Cast

Country

1. So Small - Carrie Underwood
2. Change - Taylor Swift

Electronic 

1. Language - Porter Robinson

APRIL <3